When life shakes you up
How many times has life presented you with challenges that shake your world and completely destabilize you?
Moments of adversity, unexpected changes, migrations, closing of cycles, break-ups of relationships, loss of a loved one, the diagnosis of an illness… There are many situations that can become turning points, leading us to rethink how we are living and what we need to move forward.
In my case, one of the biggest shocks was receiving a diagnosis of an autoimmune disease: systemic lupus erythematosus. A condition in which the immune system, instead of protecting you, mistakenly attacks any cell in the body, including vital organs.
After 30 years of independence—and being seen by those around me as “the strongest”—life forced me to stop. Suddenly, my movements were limited, my hair was falling out, my energy was fading, and my vision began to deteriorate. Life was testing me. It was a breaking point that led me to rethink many things, including what “strength” meant to me.
Self-criticism and extreme demands
This moment of vulnerability prompted me to ask myself many questions: Was I really doing what I was passionate about? How was I relating to others? And, especially, what was my relationship with myself like?
Over time, I came to understand that the "strength" I was so proud of—and that others admired—had also been a heavy burden. Carrying those expectations, both my own and others', made me believe there was no room in my life for sadness, doubt and uncertainty, vulnerability, or the possibility of asking for help.
This self-criticism and harshness was like a lion constantly chasing me, pushing me to always be strong, to never show weakness, to demand more of myself than my body and mind could handle. That level of pressure became a chronic stressor that affected my health and, over time, triggered the symptoms that led to my diagnosis.
But why am I telling you all this? Because perhaps in your case, self-criticism doesn't manifest itself in the need to be strong, but in the constant pressure to achieve more, in the feeling that it's never enough, or in the paralyzing fear of making mistakes.
The good news is that when we identify where that demanding voice comes from and what it sounds like, we can begin to transform it into a driving force for our growth.
The power of self-compassion
One of the biggest challenges in this process was embracing the fear and uncertainty that lupus brought into my life. Learning to stop demanding that I "be okay" when my whole body hurt.
Self-compassion allowed me to be kind to myself and stop judging myself for feeling fear or exhaustion. I understood that I didn't have to be strong all the time, and that it was okay to ask for help, because I needed it, both physically and emotionally.
This not only transformed my relationship with myself, but also the quality of my relationships with others. Furthermore, it profoundly impacted my professional life. My training as a psychologist became intertwined with a life experience that tested my knowledge, allowing me to provide support from different perspectives, with an even closer and more human connection.
But the transformation wasn't just emotional and professional; it was also physical. After years of learning and transformation, I'm in complete remission, something that has even surprised the doctors. Today, my body has found its balance.
Self-compassion was the bridge that took me from pain to growth, from internal judgment to acceptance, from illness to well-being, from excessive demands to purposeful excellence.
Today I am grateful for lupus because, although it was an emotional tsunami at the time, it also marked the beginning of my personal and professional transformation. It taught me to prioritize my well-being, to live with more balance, and to integrate self-compassion as a fundamental part of my life.
When adversity becomes growth
Adversity can be a catalyst for profound and positive change, but only if we allow ourselves to feel, validate, and transform what we are experiencing.
In your case, what challenges have changed your life? If these words have resonated with you, what changes could you start making today to cultivate a kinder relationship with yourself?
Let's continue growing together.
In the next article, we will explore how the self-critical voice is heard in our daily lives and how to recognize it in order to transform it into self-compassion and growth.
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